Distance Invites Clarity

I unintentionally took a four-month break from painting and as a result, learned the beauty of clarity.

What led to the hiatus was nothing I anticipated or planned. The change happened when I began teaching full-time last fall. With my new schedule, I had planned to paint on the days I was not teaching. This did not happen. While the initial shift produced whispers of anxiety in me, I eventually grew used to my new schedule and became comfortable stretching new muscles.

Only after classes had ended did I notice that I had not painted in months. The space that made up my studio continued to hold all the potential it always held. The sun continued to fill that space clearly and beautifully without an artist. I would only visit my studio to retrieve the original works that sold.

Classes ended shortly before the holidays, and I was looking forward to resting and reconnecting with family and friends. My focus was not specifically on the holidays but on the anticipation of a new year and on being more strategic with my time in the studio.

So…here’s what happened.

At the close of 2024, I created a vision board. It took me weeks to complete because I began to see my life differently and wanted to get these big dreams and visions out. This led me to listen to a series of great podcasts - one of which was the Mel Robbins Podcast. In one episode she was interviewing Martha Beck on the topic of purpose. So much of what was being said resonated with me and then the moment came that clarified so much. I’m sure you’ve heard that you have to hear something several times before it “sinks in”? Well…this was the case with me with this specific question posed by Martha Beck.

The question Martha posed to the listening audience was to think of a time in your life when you felt joy in your body or lightness while doing something. She stated that a sense of freedom comes with the task or experience - even if it’s incredibly challenging or scary, there is still a sense of freedom you feel in your being, in your body. She concluded by saying that the thing that brings you the most joy in the body is closely tied to your purpose.

So, as instructed, I thought of two experiences in my life - a time when I felt tense and ‘bound’ (not free) in my body and a time in my life when I felt the most free and the most joy in my body. The results of both experiences hit me like a ton of bricks. For the sake of this blog post, however, I’ll share about when I felt joy and freedom in my body.

I felt the most free and the most joy in my body when I was painting consistently a few years back. With that consistency, I was beginning to carve a space in the world to share my art with others. I had not set out to do it, but the organic trajectory of creating art and sharing it with the world felt joyous, expansive, and free. I do not recall another time when I had clear feelings of freedom, natural confidence, and joy.

In my life, I said.

I sat with this realization for a few days - allowing it to sink in deeply.

The funny thing is that I recall saying that painting was my purpose during specific times when I was most active with the practice, but it landed in my spirit more profoundly by having some distance between myself and my work. The time away produced a necessary level of objectivity. Not being so incredibly close to the thing, I was able to think about my work and business comprehensively and critically; focusing on improvements that would need to be made if I were to pursue this beautiful purpose in a sustainable and committed way. Maybe I’ll outline my specific findings sometime.

But for now, know that I am praying to be a better steward of my time and energy so that I can reclaim the expansive joy and freedom in my body that comes from painting.

This distance invited a beautiful clarity…