Welcome, Imposter…
I knew the feeling before I knew there was a word for it.
That anxious, slightly sickening feeling deep in my gut would develop. This would be the experience I felt when I was not ready, ill-equipped, or the wrong person entirely to step into a new role. Often the role was for something that scared me even to think about or say. I believe we have all experienced this feeling, yes?
This nervous, sickening feeling has been termed “Imposter Syndrome” and I have learned to embrace it.
Two years ago (at the start of the pandemic, April 2020), I was laid off from my 9-to-5 job as an interior designer. While I welcomed the break from my high-stress job, I was not entirely sure of my next move. I began painting in 2017 as a way to relieve stress and continued to do so on and off until the pandemic started, never thinking about my hobby as a full-time career. A few weeks into lockdown, I was approached to join an art mentoring program. Within the cocoon of the pandemic, I accepted the invitation to join a 6-month mentoring program geared toward turning my hobby of art into a full-time business.
While I learned a great deal during that time, the thing that stuck with me were the relationships developed with the other artists and the experiences they shared about their own art journeys. I was enrolled with a small group of artists from all over the world. Some had been artists all their lives while some were just starting their art journeys. While there was diversity in their ages, backgrounds, and life experiences, we all had one thing in common - our art. A deeper and more personal question I believe we held tight to our chests was “Is my work good enough?” and “Am I good enough?”.Reflecting on that time, that was certainly my question.
I do believe that this is where Imposter Syndrome loves to make an appearance in our lives and wreak havoc if we allow it. It is fear with a fancier name.
At its worst, fear can paralyze us and prevent us from taking action. On the other side of this spectrum, fear can run right past confidence and settle into pride. Such extremes are not good as they eventually hurt our efforts to serve and share our gifts with the world.
I think there is a happy medium. I do believe a little bit of fear or imposter syndrome can serve us.
If we allow ourselves to rest in the middle of the spectrum, directly centered imperfectly between paralysis and pride, we rest in a place where a healthy dose of fear keeps us grounded, humble, and engaged. We then create from an engaged place of acknowledging and appreciating our gifts because we understand that our gifts have very little to do with us. We are simply sharing, in beautiful ways, that which we have been given.
We are the conduit of our creative gifts, not the source of our creative gifts.
Therefore when we’re crumbling creatively under the weight of fear and expectation, we have already taken on too much that was never ours to carry.
So let’s make this personal. When I am fearful of the big thing that may be coming my way or I am not sharing (or I am stressing over sharing and what to share and how to share) due to a bit of imposter syndrome, I have taken on the role of being the giver of my own gifts. More often than not, I must remind myself that I do not possess this type of power.
It is simply not about me.
When I create from a place of appreciating the talents I have been given, my creative and mental space has a clarity that invites more creative thought and energy. It is a posture of open hands…
So back to the art mentoring program and those amazing artists, I shared virtual space with for six months in 2020. Besides learning to embrace a bit of fear, I also realized that no matter our age, background, or life experiences, we will all feel the tug of insecurity from time to time in our creative work. All of us - none of us are immune to being this level of human. And if we all feel this way, why not accept it and push forward with your big dream? It’s not about you, after all, remember?
So yes…I have learned to welcome imposter syndrome.
